Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
So it has definately been awhile since I have posted anything on our blog, the last post was when we found out that our baby Angel was a girl. And now she is already back in heaven. It is still unreal to me alot of times. I actually still feel like mabey it was a mistake and if I go the the cemetary to get her that she will be ok and I can just feed and hold her and everything will be fine. I wish that was the case. I wish I could of had her on April 8th when she was still alive and then there would be no cord accidents. But I also know that if it is their time to go, then it is just their time. Heavenly Father would take her regardless of when I had her, like Russ said, "She fullfilled the measure of her creation, she received her body and felt Joy and Love, that is all she needed to do." Her purpose here on earth has been fullfilled. But I don't want it to be fullfilled already, I still want her here with me NOW. But that again is not up to me. I have to keep telling myself that I get her later, I get to raise, love and hold her later. I get to do it all in the most perfect world where I do not have to worry about her growing up and getting hurt by this horrible world or making the wrong choices. Now she is just waiting on us to make to right choices to make it back to her. She is definatley the first one I think about when choices im my life arise. Sometimes I still feel like I am pregnant, like it's not over, mabey because I went thru the whole pregnancy and delivery and never brought her home with us, like it's not over yet. Her room is still the same. Her little clothes and blankets are all still neatly folded in her crib underneath new stuff that should not have to be there like funeral programs & sympathy cards. I miss her. I love her. I want her. Noone will ever replace her. She is my angel that got her wings to early. I wish I would have been able to see her eyes look up at me, My arms ache. I want to smell her and kiss her little nose. I want to help teach her to walk and talk. But later, later I get to do all those things. To her it won't be long, to us it will be a lifetime. A long lifetime. I LOVE MY BABY. I LOVE ALL MY BABIES! I will post lots of pictures and video soon.